Mindful Meshugganah

One difficult thing about having anxiety is having to explain it to someone who has never experienced it before. As the emotions and actions you experience are often irrational, it can be hard to describe in a tangible way.  Today, while driving (a huge trigger for anxiety and panic for me), I tried to picture myself without the fears or worries that often plague much of my day. I  imagine tasks and events for someone without anxiety is much like a math problem. Item X (my car) takes me from point A to point B. I get in my car and I drive, then I drive home. For me, my ongoings are more like a complex math problem. I get in item X (my car), of which scenario 1 could happen (my tires explode) or scenario 2 (my car catches on fire). I pull over and scenario 3 could happen (someone knocks on my window and has a gun to my head), or scenario 4 (a truck blows a red light and slams into me, obviously causing something to break, or taking my life). Now, I know these situations are all...

Meshugganah is defined in the Yiddish language as "crazy." I started this blog because I feel that sometimes it's easier to give in to crazy and forget to be aware of the moment. For example, laying in a soft comfortable bed being plagued by anxiety. How does that make any sense? All day long you've been waiting to drop like a dead weight into that pile of cotton and blankets. All of sudden, you're worrying about a project at work, or where your second-born child (of which you currently have none) will attend preschool.  Being able to take a step back and admire the crazy that is inside the mind of this 27 year old going on 67 allows me to feel that I am taking control of these crazy thoughts. I started this journey to be more mindful, to allow myself to be present and fully enjoy life, instead of feeling like i'm just a passenger on a crazy train. Hopefully I will be able to feel like more of a person and less of a patient through the use of writing, a t...